Riots, Rights & Relief

Three ways we can ease our pain.

In early May of 1991, I was flying back home from a convention. I happened to be sitting next to a very nice African-american man. It was a fated encounter that has shaped my thinking ever since.

Los Angeles was in the middle of riots over Rodney King at the time. If you recall, he was an African-american who was savagely beaten by a group of policemen — all of which happened to be caught on video. It was a time before cell phones all had cameras but camcorders were occasionally at hand. In late April, the policemen accused of the beatings were put on trial and acquitted. Riots that were to last 5 days erupted in L.A. which resulted in for than 1,000 buildings and approximately 2,000 Korean-run business were damaged or destroyed. In all, approximately $1billion worth of property was lost.

This was all happening far away and far below as I flew over the country. I wondered at the time how police beating a black man translated into arson and wholesale theft from Korean businesses. So I turned to the stranger in the seat next to me, begging his pardon for bothering him, and wondered if he would mind answering my question.

His generous answer changed my life.

“It’s not about arson or theft,” he said. “It’s about having control over something when everything else is outside your control.”

When everything feels out of our control … we act on what we can … for good or ill.

He elaborated. These people who are rioting — they cannot do anything about the systemic racism and violence raining down on them from the police. You can’t fight the police. So these people feel like more and more of their lives are outside of their control. That makes them victims in their own minds and no one wants to be a victim. So they have to DO something — exert some control over SOMETHING that says ‘I’m here and I have power. With everything being taken from them — taking something themselves feels like they have at least gotten something back for their pain and their helplessness. It isn’t so much about destroying something — it’s just easier and faster to tell yourself you’re in control by breaking things than building them. It isn’t about stealing something — it’s about taking something back — ANYTHING back – when you feel that everything is being taken from you.

When everything feels outside of your control — you exert control over what you can — for good or ill.

Your Right to Endanger Me Doesn’t Exist

We are as I write this in the middle of the COVID-19 world pandemic. It could be largely dealt with in a matter of months if everyone were to wear a mask — yet a large number of people in the United States seem to thing that this virus is a political issue and insist that they have an inalienable right not to wear a mask — as though going mask-less was a patriotic statement of defiance.

There are many rights enumerated by the Constitution of the United States. There are rather famous ones in the first ten amendments to the Constitution known commonly as the ‘Bill of Rights’ as well as the ‘Miranda Rights’ we all know hopefully from watching cop shows on television. But your right to endanger me and my family does not exist.

I am sorry to inform you that your so-called ‘right not to wear a mask’ during the current COVID-19 pandemic does not exist. I checked. It isn’t in the Constitution or the Bill or Rights. It’s similar to the ‘right to not drive on the right side of the road’ and the ‘right not to obey the law of gravity when jumping off a cliff.’

Yet many people insist that they have the ‘right’ to not wear a mask during this pandemic.

May I suggest that one of the reasons behind this seemingly unreasonable insistence is that our entire nation here in the United States has suddenly found itself deprived of all the things which were created to help us feel in control of our lives. We feel like so much has been taken from us. So many of us have lost our jobs. Even the diversions of break and circuses have been taken away from us. No blockbuster summer movies. No professional sports. No summer concerts. No parties. No summer gatherings. Just stay home and deal with it.

Then on top of all this we are confronted with the terrible injustice of George Floyd and a President who sends ‘federal agents’ in combat gear to take even more control away from people who already feel that they have little control as it is.

Taking Control and Empowering Others

Let me suggest that in the midst of all this trouble, there are ways that each of us can take back control for ourselves and empower others at the same time.

1. LOOK BEYOND THE MASK: Beyond the quick labels we slap on each other — ‘liberal’, ‘conservative’, ‘left-wing’, ‘right-wing’, ‘Republican’, ‘Democrat’, ‘anarchist’, ‘patriot’, ‘communist’, ‘capitalist’ ‘Socialist’ — there are people. We forget that because it is easier to demonize those we disagree with than it is to try and understand them. That’s the way it is in war: it’s always easier hate an enemy who has been turned into a faceless and ‘inhuman’ creature behind a mask. What we must do is go beyond the dehumanizing labels. What we are looking at actually is a person in pain who feels they have lost control of something important and basic to them as a human being.
2. KNOW THEIR STORY: My favorite way to quickly get past the dehumanizing mask is to listen — patiently and sincerely — to the other person’s story. All you have to do is ask them to tell you their story. They may say you don’t really want to hear it. They may say their story isn’t that interesting. Urge them anyway. They will tell you. Once they tell you, you will no longer be strangers — and you will come to understand who they are. They may be very different from you and you may still disagree — but at least you’ll both be humans to each other rather than faceless propaganda posters.
3. HEAL WOUNDS: When I look into the eyes of the people who are protesting, I see pain, fear, confusion, frustration and defiance. They are hurting and badly in need of healing. This is perhaps the most important thing we can do — heal each other. If we listen instead of talk, communicate instead of lecture and understand instead of judge — then together we can come up with solutions that build a better tomorrow.

Let’s try understanding and relieving each other of burdens. Let’s help our fellow humans heal. Let’s give them relief and, in turn, have our own burdens lifted.

It’s not about controlling others — its about giving them control over themselves.